Ever had those moments when you are reading God's word and you literally feel a "whop" on the side of your head with your Bible. As I read 1 Samuel 2:3 last night this is exactly how I felt. I think I could still see the imprint of my Precious Moments angel pin on the side of my head in the morning. Apparently it was quite a drastic wake-up call I was needing. Let me step back in my story a little here.
As some of you may remember I have been asking prayers for the date of Annika's surgery to be changed because that is what I knew was best for me and my schedule. If you were with me when I received the call I am pretty sure my words sounded something like this to the nurse, "Do you have anything earlier, like at the beginning of the week?......No? Well, that is ok, my God will take care of that because he knows that date just doesn't work for me. I will be praying about that and my God will get that taken care of!" OK, that is not exactly what I said, but that was basically the meaning behind my words. I felt like God would know that I needed more time with her and that I didn't have the time to take off of work so I was just sure that that was something that God would take care of.
Well, I have been praying and praying for this the last few weeks, as I know others have also, and still God has not answered my prayers. I have been feeling frustrated and I really didn't understand why He was not taking care of this. It just makes no sense. Doesn't He know what I need and that I need to be with my daughter and ..... I, I, I. Did you see all of those "I" statements in my thoughts. I know you can see right where this is going.
Last night I was doing my Bible study that I just started (a little plug here for it - Stronger by Angela Thomas is a fantastic study recommended to me by Lynn).
I am just on the 2nd day, but it has been very powerful so far. As I am sitting in bed reading the words I get to this verse, "Do not keep talking so proudly or let your mouth speak such arrogance...." And there was that "whop!" on the head I needed. I began to think about my words when I had learned of Annika's surgery date. I did not "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness" (Matt. 6:33) I just assumed that God would know that didn't work for me. Then one of the next verses.....
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord (Isaiah 55:8)
It is amazing when the scripture jumps right off the page and speaks to you. God may as well have just said, "Hey, Blondie, listen up, I know what you have been praying but have you considered that my ways are greater and I have taken all these things into consideration. I love and care about you so don't worry. Trust me." At least that is what I heard in that moment. But then I thought I was just having full faith in God and what he could do, is that really wrong to boast about? Well, it is if I am treating God like my puppet who will perform as I see fit in my life. It is if I don't seek HIS WILL FIRST and pray his will. Even being arrogant in my faith is wrong and not what God wants from me.
So, after a lot of prayer time, I am realizing that God has this under control and I need to pray for his will in this situation and have full faith that He can take care of it. I am praying for the specific Dr.'s and nurses that will be there that day and exactly what Annika needs. He has greater plans for her than I can even imagine, sometimes I fee like I am just getting in the way. I hope that you are able to learn a little from my mistakes.