Thy Word is a Lamp unto my feet....

"Your word, O Lord is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens" Psalms 119:89

I received a special gift from my sister earlier this year.  She sent me my dad's Bible.  Just holding it makes me feel this little piece of him is here.  I have started to do my Bible studies out of it.  I love opening the soft pages and seeing his handwriting all over it and it is amazing.  If dad was still alive I think it might seem a little strange to read through all the notes and messages in his Bible, but now it seems like all these little messages left for me to discover. 

I grew up in a house where I knew the importance of studying the word.  I knew being a Christian was not just about going to church and doing good.  It is about having a relationship with Jesus Christ.  Well, how else do you get to know Jesus without spending time with him?  The best way to spend time with him is to be in his Word daily.  I often saw my parents reading and studying the Bible.  My dad was one of the best Bible teachers I have ever had.  I still remember him teaching the book of Revelation to our youth group - and it was wonderful.  I have always used my Bible.  I mean highlighted, written notes, marking the parts where I really knew God was talking to me.  I know some keep their Bible in pristine condition and don't think it should be written in; but I was taught to use it as a tool.  The Word of God is not just something you should read but something you dive into, whole-heartedly to get to know the Lord. 

Well, as I began to study out of my dad's Bible I saw how he truly loved the Word of God. 

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" Psalms 119:105

 Not only were there notes in the margins of many pages but he had important, go-to verses written on the inside and back covers of his Bible.  He had facts and roots of Greek and Hebrew words (thanks to Pastor Bob) at the beginning of different books. 

Dad is gone and he is still teaching me about what is important.  Reading his notes inspires me and touches my life.  Seeing how he studied the Bible encourages me to get to know my Master even better. 

"I have hidden your words in my heart that I might not sin against you" Psalm 119:11

Life is not easy and God allows us to go through some difficult times.  With His words hidden in our hearts we are more likely to make the right decisions and turn to God for strength during those time.  If we fill our hearts up with his loving words they will overflow out of our mouths and through our actions. 

I am thankful for the people in my life who have encouraged me to study the Bible and have been examples of this in their own lives; my dad and mom, Sherrie Shaffer, the Buells, Pastor Bob and many more. 

I have been challenged recently by the words of my Pastor (who is affectionately call "Mar" in our house) by this quote, "You really only believe the part of the Bible that you actually do"  This really hit home when he said it and I have been trying to apply it to my life. 

 Can others tell what you believe by your actions?

Pass it on.....

I can't believe that it has been 2 year and 5 months, exactly, since Dad passed away.  I am sure I was not this reflective about our times growing up before he got sick, but it is amazing how something like that can make you look back on all the special times in your life and wish you could transport yourself back there at any time. 

We had the most amazing times as a family (sure, there were a few fights here and there and maybe we didn't always do what we were asked to, but really, when we were together we had fun) and fishing and being at the lake were really at the top.  We used to have this old fishing tape we would listen to and one of our favorite songs was Pass it On.....I'm never going to fish alone, pass it on.  I'm fishin' with the ones I love, pass it on.  I'm never going to fish alone, I learned that growin' up with my dad.

Of course this has a lot more to do with than just fishin'.  It reminds me the importance of my family and the people I love.  That it is important to spend time with Madelynn, no matter what we are doing.  And that it is about more than just fishin', it is about showing the other person that you care.  That is where we made the most wonderful memories.  I can still smell the sunscreen, old boat seats, and fishy water.  I can see dad smiling back at me as I sat in the cold El Vado water trying just one more time to get up on my ski.  "Honey, just bend your knees and let the boat do the work.  Stop fighting it."  Then I would yell, "HIT IT!" and off we would go.  I remember the smile on his and my mom's face when I finally made it up.  I am not sure who was more excited.  He would spend all day dragging us around that lake if that is what we wanted.  But that was his job...he was our dad and he loved making us happy.  So, Pass it On is more that just a song we sang together and more than a memory that sends a tear down my cheek, it is about passing that love and dedication onto the next generation.  It is about the legacy you leave behind.  What will people remember about me when I am gone?  What have I passed on to the people around me?  What have I passed on to Bruce and Madelynn?  So, even though he may not approve of my tattoo (ok, he would hate it) when I look at it I am reminded of what we were taught growing up and the importance of Passing it On....

Name please...

Kelsey --- Fierce Island

"What's in a name?

That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet." Romeo and Juliet

"A child's name has singular importance as he embarks on learning about literacy...It enhances his security and his self-image, giving him a feeling of importance.....~ Marie M. Clay, Becoming Literate
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine." Isaiah 43:1

Lodge - Family who lived in a cottage

Does our name describe us or do we give meaning to our name? I have been giving a lot of thought to idea of a name lately. When choosing a name for Madelynn I looked at different sites that explained the meaning of a name and where it came from (Madelynn - woman of Magdala, high tower, Ruth - Companion, Friend), I thought about my Grandma Ruth and what a great person she was. As I got married and changed my last name to Hatch I was a little sad not to write Lodge any more. I had been conncected to that name for almost 24 years of my life. People I didn't even know would ask me in college, "Are you a Lodge girl?" I would proudly say "YES!" I was always very careful as I was growing up, and even now, of the choices I made because I knew I was a "Lodge Girl" and people would be watching how I behaved. My parents raised me to represent my family in a positive way. It was good to be known as a "Lodge girl" and it made me proud to identify with it.

So, as I think about changes we have been going through during these last few years I have been thinking about what makes me a Lodge. There are no more Lodge kids to carry on the name, we have all girls. My dad has passed away and my mom may get married at some point and no longer be a Lodge. I have my Aunts and Uncles left with the Lodge name.

So, do we define our name or does our name define us? This is my question I have been pondering. Will I be less of a "Lodge Girl" if fewer and fewer people around me carry the name? Am I still a "Lodge" on the inside because of how I was raised and is it part of what defines my character? Does "Lodge" live on in action and deed if the name is no more? So, the Shakespearean questions........what is in a name?

Cutting Christmas trees

Aww, mom and sisters

and sisters (plus Madelynn because she had landed in the mud so she has to stay in the backpack)


Lodge group - we always try to get a picture with all the kids and adults and it is crazy. The kids were playing in the snow so we decided to just take one with the adults (again, Madelynn had to stay in the backpack - I am so glad Whit reminded me to bring it!)

Finally Bruce got her to put on her mittens, her hands were freezing

Give me the cookie and back away...I think she gets this look from her dad.

Our family Christmas picture

Another year cutting Christmas trees was a great success. We had quite a group this year. It has been so great to have Meghan so close that she has been able to go with us the last 2 years; we are really going to miss them next year (we don't' know where they are going yet, but I sure it won't be close). This was our 2nd year with out dad and it was still strange, but happy because we were together. I always feel very close to him and peaceful when we are up there. Having Uncle Larry and Aunt Pat makes it so special. I know my dad would be so thankful and proud of Uncle Larry for stepping into that role in our lives. Not that he tries to replace dad but he is there for some very special moments and makes it a point to be part of our lives and our kids lives, checks on us when we have bad days, calls for our birthdays, and gives the best hugs. I am so thankful that God has given us this little gift that helps us feel close to dad. It is amazing the people that God puts in our lives, maybe for a lifetime or maybe just a moment, that make our lives special and even more meaningful.

Just fishin'...

I'm lost with her there holding that pink rod and reel.

She's doing almost everything but sitting still.

Talkin' 'bout her ballet shoes and training wheels..and her kittens.

And she thinks we're just fishin'.

I say "Daddy loves you, baby" one more time.
She says, "I know, I think I've got a bite."
And all this laughing, crying, smiling, dying here inside is what I call living.
And she thinks we're just fishin' by the riverside, throwing back what we could fry, drowning worms and killing time.

Nothing too ambitious.

She ain't even thinkin' 'bout what's really going on right now

but I guarantee this memory's a big'un.

And she thinks were just fishin'

I heard this song the other day for the 1st time. It brought tears to my eyes and I thought about my dad and I fishing together. Then my mom reminded me of this story:

Your dad took you fishing when we were camping. You kept wanting his help and he said "Kelsey, quit bothering me." You got big crocodile tears. He felt so bad, he put down his pole, picked up yours and taught you had to fish. When you came back to camp he told me what happend and how badly he felt. He said "I"ve caught fish before, and I'll catch them again" I don't ever want to say that again. I'm sure there were times we both put "us " first, but I know that we always tried to put you girls first---Mom

And this is what I remember about my dad. He and my mom always put us 1st and that is how they raised us and it was very evident in all their actions. When dad took us out on the boat he would drag us aroud that lake until we couldn't stand anymore. Then and only then did he get out his fishing pole. He never told us to hurry and finish sking because he was ready to fish.

Those moments on the boat and sitting on the side of a river bank weren't just about fishing, which I didn't learn until I was older and had a baby girl of my own. It is not about the things we do, it is about being together and knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are loved by your parents. That love and those lessons are now being passed on to our kids through us and it is amazing how I realize the sacrifices my parents made for us as we were growing up. But I also see as a parent, you don't even care, you are thankful and grateful to make those sacrifices. I am so thankful to experience those important moments with Madelynn and know that it is more than just "fishing."

(Song - She thinks were just fishin" by Trace Atkins")

http://www.azsongs.com/Trace-Adkins-lyrics/Just-Fishin%27-lyrics.html

Singing in church....

Sometimes I find myself sad as we are singing in church. As we sing about heaven and how wonderful it will be when we get there I, of course, find myself thinking about my dad. I wonder what he is doing up there right now. I try to picture him in his beautiful robes and his crown..... One of Dad's favorite verses was, "Gray hair is a crown of splendor, it is attaied by a righteous life" Proverbs 16:31. So, I can easily picture him with his crown on because he was preparing for it when he was still here. 2Tim 4:8 says"Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award me on that day". And I picture Jesus welcoming Dad into the gates of heaven, showing him the room He prepared for him, and replacing his earthly crown of gray hair with his heavenly crown. A tear trickles down my check as we sing of the wonderful place God has for us and I know that one day with Him is better that any day here (Psalms 84:10), and I yearn for that day when we are all together again. I know my dad wasn't perfect, none of us ever will be, but he was righteous, living out the relationship with God in the right relationships he had with other people - which is what righteousness is all about. Romans 1:17 says, "The righteous will live by faith" and dad's gray hair was a sign of his faith. So, as I sing my praises to God my eyes may fill with tears but I know God will wash them away (Rev. 7:17). As I go through trials, that I am sure will turn my hair gray, I will know that God is testing me and refining my like silver and a righteous life that reflects my relationship with Him is my purpose. I am thankful for this example my dad gave me in his life.

5 Minutes.....

Please God, can I just have 5 minutes with my dad. Sometimes I try to bargin with God (I know I am not supposed to but I can't help it sometimes) and I think about getting just 5 minutes with dad and what I would say.
First, I would run and grab Madelynn so he could meet her and hold her and see how wonderful and beautiful she is. Then I would hug him and kiss him and memorize every little things about his face and hands so that I would never forget. I would shed a few tears (probably more) so he could keep them in his pocket for me like he used to do when I was little.

Then, I would tell him over and over again how much I love him and miss him and that he is the best dad, just to make sure he knows forever.

Then I would tell him all about what happened in the hospital and in AZ ( I don't know why I think he doesn't know this, but just in case) so he will know what happened and the strength that God gave us.

Then I will hug and kiss him some more. Just 5 minutes. Can't God spare him for that long? I don't understand why He can't just give me 5 minutes with my daddy.....I guess it is because I would just want 5 more....

It's not fair!!!

It's not fair. I want my dad back. God doesn't need him right now; He has plenty of other people up there. I want him here with me right now. How dare God take him and leave my baby without a Papa. All the other kids get to have Papa's. Why not mine? Why now? Why not later. It is not fair and I want him back.

Who would have thought that doing my taxes could bring on these feelings. Well, I guess tax time makes me think of him. I remember him sitting in the office when we were younger, doing the taxes and then complaining about what the government is taking. Ever since we have been married we go to my parent's house and dad would by Turbo Tax and we would get them done there. Then we would complain together as to what we had to pay the government. Well, I want him here with me where he belongs, helping us with taxes, because that is what dads do.

I have a student whose mom died and he is approaching the 3 year anniversary. He has tough days is class (boy can I relate) and the other day I had to send him out. When I went in the hall to check on him he had bloody knuckles. I asked him if he was hitting the wall and he said yes. Here is this boy who doesn't have the words to express how he feels and how angry and sad he is inside. I am an adult and I am supposed to know what to say and do and I all really want to do is hit my fists against the wall with him until I feel better.

It is not fair. Why does Madelynn have to grow up not knowing her Papa? Why did he have to go? I don't want to learn these lessons now. Can't I do it when I am older? I am too young still. As far as I feel inside I am still that little kid and I just want my daddy!!!

In the Fall....

I drove up to Colorado Springs this week for Madelynn's 3 month pictures. What a great time of year to drive in through this area. When we were going up we were always so busy and there would be different things my mom would want to do, like going to Bosque del Apache (I think that is what is was called), but there was never time for it all. So she would say she wanted to do it in the fall. We would seldom get all these things done so it became a joke. When there was something we wanted to do we would say, "Sure, in the fall, in the fall...". One thing we wanted to do was drive up north and look at the leaves changing.

Well, I got to see them on this drive and they were amazing. It was raining like crazy on my way up there, but you could see these golden ribbons intertwined in the evergreens as they worked their way up the mountain. It was breathtaking.

I pulled over to take some pictures, and as I did I took a deep breath and mixed in with the rain, was the faint, sweet smell of the train that had just past. And in that moment I could feel a huge hug from my dad. I could hear him saying, "Hey kido, what's up? How have you been? I've missed you." My mind began to flip through all the memories I had of chasing that train up the mountain, laying coins on the tracks, and spending the day on a drive as a family and I was so thankful for those memories.
Right there in that moment I knew my dad was with me, in the smell of the train, the golden trees and the memories. As I felt the warm tears roll down my cheeks I began to drive up the mountain just enjoying these memories.

Then I turned a corner to see... Then I could hear my dad laughing, "Miss me kid?" We never could stay too serious in our family. It was just too funny, and the timing was perfect. Looking for dad in the little things in life keeps him alive in my heart.

Another Chapter has closed...

As you know we had to go down to the trailer at the lake this weekend. It was awful, but we made it through together. I am so thankful that we all got to be there together. I think this is the hardest thing we have had to do. We ended up not spreading the ashes. There was just too much to do that weekend and we were all tired. Plus, Beau is the one that would have had to do most of the work. We are all going to meet sometime this summer.

It was very interesting being at the trailer. I think we all had a bad dream about it before we got there. At first it felt like we were letting Dad down by getting rid of all of this. Then I realized that it was never about the trailer or even the boat; it was about the lessons we learned there. We learned how to be a family, we learned to make sacrifices and that it is about give-and-take, we learned not to go crazy when locked in a 35x8 foot space when it was raining, and most importantly...we learned how to be parents. We learned that you have to work hard in order to play hard, team work gets the job done faster, and we all have strengths and weaknesses. We learned that it is not about the money you spend or the places you go; it is about the memories you make and what you do with your time together. None of us would trade those memories for the world. We had the greatest times being together, and I know we still will. So, I thank my parents for those lessons they taught us down there.

There is a song that we all love (on our Fishing CD) that says, "Pass it on. I will never fish alone, I learned that growing up with my Dad..." That is what it is really all about. As I stood on the last day and watched my wonderful brother-in-law, Beau, back the truck up to my Dad's boat I looked down to see my little blonde-headed niece and nephew with their hand in the air guiding him back. That is exactly what my sisters and I used to do for my Dad. And there it was....We had passed it on. Those lessons are already at work in our lives with our families. I think Dad would have said, "That is what I was trying to teach you, Pass it on..."