It's not fair. I want my dad back. God doesn't need him right now; He has plenty of other people up there. I want him here with me right now. How dare God take him and leave my baby without a Papa. All the other kids get to have Papa's. Why not mine? Why now? Why not later. It is not fair and I want him back.
Who would have thought that doing my taxes could bring on these feelings. Well, I guess tax time makes me think of him. I remember him sitting in the office when we were younger, doing the taxes and then complaining about what the government is taking. Ever since we have been married we go to my parent's house and dad would by Turbo Tax and we would get them done there. Then we would complain together as to what we had to pay the government. Well, I want him here with me where he belongs, helping us with taxes, because that is what dads do.
I have a student whose mom died and he is approaching the 3 year anniversary. He has tough days is class (boy can I relate) and the other day I had to send him out. When I went in the hall to check on him he had bloody knuckles. I asked him if he was hitting the wall and he said yes. Here is this boy who doesn't have the words to express how he feels and how angry and sad he is inside. I am an adult and I am supposed to know what to say and do and I all really want to do is hit my fists against the wall with him until I feel better.
It is not fair. Why does Madelynn have to grow up not knowing her Papa? Why did he have to go? I don't want to learn these lessons now. Can't I do it when I am older? I am too young still. As far as I feel inside I am still that little kid and I just want my daddy!!!
I am so sorry your Daddy is gone. I am sad for you. I know this doesn't help much. Write more of your memories so Madelynn can read them. Add picture too if you have them. If you don't have copies of the pictures maybe a big scanning project of all your mom's photos is in order.
ReplyDeleteWe love the calendar you made for us for Christmas we look at the pictures often. It is a great gift. If your old family photos were digital you could make a picture book or something. It would be a great gift for your sisters' families.
Thanks Marie. yes, some days are better than others. My sister made a "Papa" book with pictures of him and her kids, but I guess I could do the same even though there won't be pics of her and him.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you like the calendar. I have one also and I love it.