Madelynn is almost 3 months and I don't know where th time has gone. She is so much fun. I am just so in love with her I could cry sometimes. She makes me laugh every day. I am getting ready to take 4 weeks off with her and it is going to be fantastic. We are just going to hang out and play, take lots of pictures I am sure, take naps together and just have fun. It is just amazing how much she grows all the time. Maybe she will learn to roll over while I am home.
During the time she has been at the sitter it really has gone well. She seems very happy there and the sitter is great. Her kids love Madelynn and they will probably miss her these next 4 weeks. I hate leaving her but I know she is ok and very loved.
Sometimes I have an out of body moment and just can't believe my dad is missing all this. I know he is in a much better place, but, out of my own selfishness, I wish he were here.
He always loved football season and loved keeping up with Bruce's team. They were good about going to his games that were close to them. They love supporting him and the Bobcats. It is just hard to believe he won't be here this season. I can't even believe it sometimes.
I can hear him talking to me all the time (I know he really isn't talking to me) in the dumb things I do or when I am sad or lonely. I know exactly what he would say and it is as if he is right there with me. He is still so much a part of my life and I am thankful for those memories.
Whit heard Cassidy and Mackenzie talking the other night and Mackenzie asked Cas, "Do you miss Papa?" and she said, "Of course I do. Do you?" It is so wonderful that they have those memories and I hope they will share them with Madelynn someday.
Well, that is enough rambling for today. Sometimes my thoughts just get away from me. So we continue living life aware of this void that we feel everyday, but knowing that he would want us to keep being happy; keep living life. We will never fill the void and we will always be aware it is there because no one could ever live up to who my dad was. And someday I will tell Madelynn all about him...
I'm glad that you have both parts of this, the memories of your dad and the knowledge that he'd want to to be happy. That makes today and the future a brighter happier place where you will share those memories with Madelynn.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you are having so much fun with Madelynn. Enjoy every moment because (as you are aware) they go by so fast.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your Dad is watching Madelynn grow and is so proud of the wonderful Mom that you are.