Let His light shine

These last 3 weeks have been crazy.  It has felt like a whirlwind and I am hoping to catch my breath this week.  As I watch my little girls I have been thinking about their lives and their purpose.  We are here in the world as strangers; this is not where we belong and we are just visiting.  Don't get too attached because you won't be spending much time here; in the big scheme of things.  

"...You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14

So, again I look at the lives of my little girls.  

This week I had the privilege of speaking to a Human Development class.  My neighbor asked me if I would come speak about Cri du Chat to her students.  Madelynn, Annika and I went and met these students who may become pre-school teachers in the future and I tried to pant them a picture of a parent of a special needs kid and what I would want them to know about my child.  It was very cleansing to share with these students the fears and doubts I have had over the past year ad what life might look like for my little girl.  As I stood in front of that class and spoke Madelynn was so good.  She sat and played with play dough and from time to time she added commentary to my talk.  She would chime in with, "We don't get throwed up on any more!" or "She loves it when I blow in her face."  It was no big deal to her that we were talking about her sister's lack of chromosomes or the fact that her 18 month old sister doesn't do things like other kids do.  She could care less.  She just wants her sister to laugh and maybe say her name someday.

Then I saw God's love and grace shining through my girls right then and there.  They don't get in the way of God's plan for their life, they are just living it.  This is my hope for them, that God's love shines through them and when others notice that something is different about them, they will see that it is God's love shining through them.

I only hope I can be like them and not get in the way of God's light.  I know life is short and that God has a purpose for each and everyone of us being here at this moment.  While we were in ABQ for Annika a sweet little girl who we don't actually know, but it felt like we did, passed away.  Her name was Violet and we knew her and her family from the Cri du Chat Facebook page.  Even though we will probably not meet most of these families, we still celebrate each other's victories and share each other's frustrations.  So, when sweet Violet passed away my heart ached for her family.  Here they had just been adjusting to the idea of how special their little girl would be and then God took her back.  It is hard to realize that our kids are just on loan.  I would love to actually meet this family someday because as I have followed them on Facebook through this dark time of their life, they have let His light shine every step of the way.  They have found a way to praise God through it all.  

My prayer for this week is that I stay out of God's way and he is able to use me to show others his grace and love, just like my kids and sweet little Violet.    

This girl is amazing!

Everyday there is something new.  She is so amazing!  She was doing very well before surgery at rolling over and trying to get on her knees.  Since the surgery she can't really do that, but she is starting to today.  I see crawling in her near future.  We just have to get those arms stronger.

A little talking...

Just had to share this for those of you who haven't seen it.

Leaning on God for strength

Oh my, don't you just want to hug her?!  What an amazing, brave little girl.  I can't believe all she has been through the past week.  As we were driving to ABQ for her surgery I had some scary thoughts about her procedure and the fact that there could be complications.  She is very tiny and tiny babies do not always do that well in these types of situations.  As the doctors took my sweet baby back all I could do was pray.  I told myself I probably wouldn't see her for about 3 hours (the surgery was supposed to take 2 so I figured give or take a little time at the beginning and the end) and during that time all I could do was lean on the one I knew was stronger than anything I was going through.  The words I read reminded me that I must trust:

• God's sovereignty and timing for my life
• God's method of giving me what I need
• God's provision from the fullness of His love
• God's heart being good and unchanging

What a great lesson as my baby was in surgery.  Well, she did so well it only took 2 hours from the time they took her back to the time I was able to see her again.  The next few days were a learning experience for all of us.  I was constantly amazed by her strength and so thankful for God's protection over her.  

A week and a few days later we were headed back to Bloomfield, and as I could hear my little girl talking in the back seat I was overwhelmed by God's grace and love He has shown me.  It was like I was bringing home a brand new child.  I had spent her entire life being thrown up on everyday.  We constantly have blankets and burp rags covering surfaces of our house.  I have made covers for her car seat and the straps for easy cleaning.  This had become such a part of our lives that it was normal to hear Madelynn yell, "Throw up!" from the living room.  It was such a surreal feeling that I just found tears rolling down my checks.  I can't even imagine the things God has in store for Annika and I am so grateful to be part of it.  I feel overcome with love and gratitude for the people who have been praying for us and who love Annika and our family so much.  

It is amazing that there is no throw up in our daily life, Annika has already returned to taking her milk orally, she is gaining weight, and I am sure we will be starting back on food very soon.  God is good, his timing is just right (even for surgery days), and his love is greater that I can even imagine.