His purpose is greater than our fears

Sometimes I let my mind wander, and, let's face it, that is never a good thing.  I start to worry about what will happen in the future.  What if I die, who will take care of Annika?  What is someone tries to take advantage of her weaknesses (or Madelynn for that matter)?  What if I can't help her be the best she was designed to be?  I start to get scared and wonder why God trusted me with her and with Madelynn.  Then I have to stop, reign myself back and and remind myself that, He has plans for me, "plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I remind myself that HIS PURPOSE IS GREATER THAN MY FEARS!  He has a purpose in giving Annika to me, He has a purpose for her being born at this time and in this world that we live in.  His purpose is greater than any fear I could have.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Why do I even start to doubt?  I know that God will take care of her and take care of us.  He has a plan, He is sovereign and all I have to do is trust.  So when I start to feel the doubt and fear coming on, because I know it will - I am human - I have to run to Him, trust Him and remember always, that HIS PURPOSE IS GREATER THAN MY FEARS.

My Daughter is....

My daughter is beautiful and sweet.  She loves the sound of her sister's voice.  She loves to play with beads and necklaces and things that make "clinking" sounds.  She loves to roll and get the picnic basket toy from across the room.  She is happy when she is being held but she also likes to be independent.  She thinks it is funny when you hang her upside down.  She is delicate but also tough and can withstand therapy, people poking and prodding her and endless days of spitting up.  She is my joy everyday and she is a sweet smile in the middle of the night when I am so tired I can barely stay awake.  Sometimes I talk to so many doctors and therapists that I feel like all I focus on is what she can and can't do at this point in time, how well she is eating, what to feed her, how I should feed it to her, how she is sleeping and the list goes on.  But she is so much more than all of that and that is what I need to focus on.

Another great blog to share

My sister sent this great article to me the other day and I wanted to share it.  It is really fantastic.
Click the picture below to read this mother's words about her son.

When a Cashier Reminded Me My Son Has Down Syndrome

Getting to "that place"

I know I have been pushed more emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually in the last year in ways I didn't even think was possible.  There have been those moments of extreme joy and happiness, but there have also been those moments where I have questioned God and His purpose for me.  There have been moments that I am so thankful that my kids have two parents because I am not really sure I could have gone one.  I have had to find ways to regain my strength in Christ and refocus my attention on what He has planned for me.  This is a GREAT blog post on just that!  Lisa is an experienced mother who explained exactly how I felt.  I am sure many of us have been in this spot.
Click on the picture below to read the article.

Reaching out...

I totally need moments like these where I can see our sweet Annika responding and really interacting with us.  I watch this video over and over again and it just makes me smile.  I need this some days, because there are those other days where I just can't help feeling sorry for m self.  I really don't mean to and then I feel so guilty when I do.  Like somehow I don't appreciate all that I have, and I truly do appreciate everything God has blessed us with.  But there are those moments when my guard is down and I just feel sad.....
I sat and watched a little girl, younger than Annika, toddle up to her mom the other night, reach out her arms to be lifted up and then nuzzle into her lap and I couldn't help it but my heart just sank a little.  Would I feel that?  Will I have that moment when she looks at me and I can see that she knows that I am her mama?  I laugh it off at times when I know there are just things that she can't, and probably will never be able to do in the same way "typical" kids do.  At her audiology appointment the other morning some of the test were way beyond her developmental abilities and I just laughed it off knowing it really wasn't that big of a deal.  They were able to get the info they needed.  But as I walked to the car I remembered taking Madelynn to that same test and the technician just kept bragging about how well she had done for her age and I felt proud.  So, did this mean I wasn't proud now?  Then I just get frustrated with myself for letting these thoughts come to my head.  
So, as I drove back to work I just let the tears roll down my cheeks and for a brief moment I just felt sorry for myself.  I thought of my sweet baby and I wondered if she would ever lift her arms to be to be picked up and my heart tore out of my chest.  I could just see her laying in her bed and thought, "Baby, just life your arms to me."  Then as I started to come back to reality I realized this is probably how our Heavenly Father feels as he looks down at us.  As we struggle, stumble, skin our knees and keep trying to do it on our own.  We don't look up at him, we just keep focused on the task at hand and he looks down and us and says, "Child, just reach your arms to me.  I will hold you.  I will take your burdens and make them mine."  And I am sure his heart breaks as we just keep on and he wants so bad to comfort us.
So, I know the only way I can get through these moments is to lift my arms to Him and turn to Him for the comfort I need.  And then He blesses me with these moments, when Annika claps, kisses us in her own way, or nuzzles her head in our neck to say, "I feel your pain child.  Here is a little gift to let you know I understand and your child loves you in the most amazing way you will probably never understand."  At least that is what I feel He is saying to me in these special moments of life that I may have just passed by before.