Reaching out...

I totally need moments like these where I can see our sweet Annika responding and really interacting with us.  I watch this video over and over again and it just makes me smile.  I need this some days, because there are those other days where I just can't help feeling sorry for m self.  I really don't mean to and then I feel so guilty when I do.  Like somehow I don't appreciate all that I have, and I truly do appreciate everything God has blessed us with.  But there are those moments when my guard is down and I just feel sad.....
I sat and watched a little girl, younger than Annika, toddle up to her mom the other night, reach out her arms to be lifted up and then nuzzle into her lap and I couldn't help it but my heart just sank a little.  Would I feel that?  Will I have that moment when she looks at me and I can see that she knows that I am her mama?  I laugh it off at times when I know there are just things that she can't, and probably will never be able to do in the same way "typical" kids do.  At her audiology appointment the other morning some of the test were way beyond her developmental abilities and I just laughed it off knowing it really wasn't that big of a deal.  They were able to get the info they needed.  But as I walked to the car I remembered taking Madelynn to that same test and the technician just kept bragging about how well she had done for her age and I felt proud.  So, did this mean I wasn't proud now?  Then I just get frustrated with myself for letting these thoughts come to my head.  
So, as I drove back to work I just let the tears roll down my cheeks and for a brief moment I just felt sorry for myself.  I thought of my sweet baby and I wondered if she would ever lift her arms to be to be picked up and my heart tore out of my chest.  I could just see her laying in her bed and thought, "Baby, just life your arms to me."  Then as I started to come back to reality I realized this is probably how our Heavenly Father feels as he looks down at us.  As we struggle, stumble, skin our knees and keep trying to do it on our own.  We don't look up at him, we just keep focused on the task at hand and he looks down and us and says, "Child, just reach your arms to me.  I will hold you.  I will take your burdens and make them mine."  And I am sure his heart breaks as we just keep on and he wants so bad to comfort us.
So, I know the only way I can get through these moments is to lift my arms to Him and turn to Him for the comfort I need.  And then He blesses me with these moments, when Annika claps, kisses us in her own way, or nuzzles her head in our neck to say, "I feel your pain child.  Here is a little gift to let you know I understand and your child loves you in the most amazing way you will probably never understand."  At least that is what I feel He is saying to me in these special moments of life that I may have just passed by before.